


Abandon Ship

by alienenby



Series: if im going to hell, im going out kicking [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Depression, F/M, Humanstuck, M/M, Minor Violence, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Suicidal Thoughts, Unrequited Love, dannys gonna have a bad time, times two
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2015-12-28
Packaged: 2018-05-09 23:19:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5559676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alienenby/pseuds/alienenby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"'Tis better to have loved and lost<br/>Than never to have loved at all."</p>
<p>Not always.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. you like her. she likes him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)

Feferi is beautiful. Water is wet. You watch as the pretty girl dives to the bottom of the pool, skirting along the bottom until she's popping up in front of you. Her light brown eyes glimmer in the sunlight as she smiles up at you.

"Eridan, come on! Swim with me!" she beckons, and you almost go. Almost.

"I don't really feel well, Fef, I'll pass," you say, and she looks concerned, but you insist that she keep swimmin' and enjoyin' herself. She hesitates, but relents and dives back into the water. As you watch her effortlessly glide through the water, you wonder if she's a mermaid - or at least was once. You glance around the pool - at the couples bein’ carefree and so in-love it almost makes you gag.

You wish you could have that. With someone. With anyone. With her.

Feferi reappears by your side, eyes fixated on somethin’ behind you.

"Eridan? Who's that?" she asks, and you turn to see someone you've never seen in town before. Granted, it's not exactly a small town - but it's small enough that you know this person isn't from it.

Scrawny and blonde, with golden skin and mismatched eyes reminiscent a one a Nep's characters, you can tell that Feferi is instantly smitten - especially since she whispers to you, "he's cute."

You resist the urge to drown yourself when she gets out to go play greeter.


	2. you love her. she loves him.

Sometime after she turns fifteen, she starts dating the boy the two of you saw at the pool two years ago. She starts to spend more time with him, latching onto his arm and smiling bright enough to put the sun to shame.

You see them kissing, and the world slides out from under your feet and you want to die.

You wonder, idly, if there's a cure for the disease rotting holes into your heart.

 

 

She calls you one day, randomly, after probably a week of not doing so, to ask you if you want to hang out at her place during the upcoming weekend.

You desperately say yes before you can even think to do otherwise.

You show up, and so does he. The ache blooms anew in your chest when they cuddle up to each other. At one point, you dismiss yourself to the bathroom, and on your way back you meet him in the hallway when he’s heading to the kitchen.

You don’t even remember what it is he says before you punch him in the teeth. He snarls, rage you’ve never seen before in his eyes. Feferi comes to investigate and screams, trying to pull the two of you apart.

Your nose and his glasses are broken, and Fef is crying as she patches the two of you up. She asks “why” but apparently neither of you want to give an answer.

She dismisses you both to your own homes soon after.

 

 

Sollux corners you at your locker Monday morning, usual red-framed glasses replaced by blue wire ones.

“What the fuck wath all that about?” he hisses into your face, fist screwed up in your scarf.

“I dunno what you’re talkin’ about,” you sneer, reaching up to grip his wrist.

“Friday night. You know, when you punched me in the fucking teeth.” You look away, stormy gaze drifting over the crowd of students. They don’t care. They see you pinned against your own locker by this lispy motherfucker and they don’t even care.

Maybe you should’ve been nicer to all of them. But all you care about is Fef. He grips your shirt with both hands and rattles your brain against the cold metal of the lockers.

“Answer me!” he growls, reeking of honey and remnants of Fef’s favorite perfume.

“I don’t fuckin’ hafta!” you spit, reaching up – and up – digging your spindly fingers into his hoodie.

His face screws up, and he tenses like he’s goin’ to throw you, before his head drops and he lets go of your shirt in favor of clutching it. He groans in pain, and you let go of his hoodie. You watch him, almost apathetic, but not quite.

“Fuck it,” he hisses at you, backing off and retreating down the hallway. You watch him leave, and then get cornered again by another blonde of a different kind.

 

 

You aren’t yet sure if dating Vriska Serket is a good idea, but you’re doing it anyway because she gets your mind off of Fef and her boyfriend.

She steals your first kiss – you can’t say you give it because it’s more like she smashes your mouth against hers until you respond.

 

 

Feferi sends you a message after a week of dating Vriska, saying that she doesn’t think your relationship is healthy. You ignore it. Ignore her.

 

 

You see Feferi watching worriedly from a distance with Sollux next to her. He’s watching, too, through the crowd, as you greet Vriska with a kiss and she crushes your hand in hers and grins – all aggression and sharp teeth.

You walk away with Vriska at your side and a heavy feeling in your heart.

 

 

After one month and three weeks of dating Vriska Serket, you confront her about something you had been thinking of. She doesn’t love you. She protests that she does. You insist she doesn’t, and you know, because you know what love feels like – what it looks like – and this isn’t it. You push further that she knows how to love. She just doesn’t know how to love you.

You never thought you’d ever see Vriska Serket cry.

But she does. Tears are leaving darkened trails over her cheeks as she screams at you that you don’t love her either. And when you think about it. You don’t. You just loved the distraction.

Her head is on your shoulder and she’s rubbing your back. You’re both crying. You both apologize with voices scratched and breaking. She goes home, and you’re left sitting on your bed with a weighted heart and stinging eyes.

Even when they’re for the best, endings always leave an ache in your chest and your throat.


End file.
